Promiscuity is now becoming a norm and presents many cases of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and Diseases here in The Gambia. In relationships where multiple partners are involved, it is likely that one infected partner will infect all others; since these infectious diseases can be transferred from one person to another through sexual contact.
For the fifth time in her matrimonial home, a friend of mine (name witheld) was infected. Mad at herself for allowing this to happen over and over again, she wondered how to tell her husband who never believed such an infection concerns him. They have had many fights on this issue and his stance remains that whatever infection she has is her business and he doesn’t see why she keeps talking to him about that.
In Africa and The Gambia in particular, it is as if STIs are gender sensitive. I once had a chat with older women on reproductive issues affecting women in The Gambia and one lady narrated that she got married as a virgin and has known no other man but her husband. Five years ago she was diagnosed HIV positive which greatly alarmed her. Her husband’s response to the situation was very inhumane. He blamed and scandalized her for infecting him. Ironically when their health situation got really bad she discovered that her husband had been diagnosed positive two years before her but he refused to take the antiretroviral drugs clearly denying the doctor’s diagnostic. Hearing this narrative, I couldn’t help but wonder why should women always pay the price?
Apparently, the situation is horrible in a polygamous marriage as in that set up, a spouse is likely never free from STIs since it is more like a chain. And a man in this set up is hardly ready to go to the hospital for check-ups or even acknowledge that STIs in his family concerns him.
STIs which affect both men and women can be prevented as well as treated like any other disease, so let communities not make it a gender sensitive disease. As our society frown upon women talking about these issues, many women have died after their husbands because they had “no right” to express their views about having sexual intercourse with their husbands whom they suspected of being infected.
So is it fair for promiscious men and women to be left in this manner and continue to spread STIs of all sorts? Shouldn’t partners in all forms of sexual relationships be tested regularly? I feel we should change this discourse.
What is your take? leave your comments below.
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A very sad story. Unfortunately until recently we as Africans failed to discuss such issues. We have such a closed society that started from the very day we came into contact with this world. The African woman has had it rough. It’s time the African man open up to his partner. Nothing to loose for talking things over. There is no winner or loser. We are all in this together. The days of machismo are coming to an end. Social media is changing the world. Knowledge is no more the preserve of the few.
It’s easier to advise unmarried couples in this kind of situation than married ones because it’s easier to withdraw sexual consent from someone you aren’t married to than someone you are married to especially in Africa. Unfortunately I have seen this kind of case but the woman died first because by the time she found out her wayward husband had infected her, her viral load was already too much and the man who knew many years back that he was positive had been judiciously taking his drugs.
The best advise I can give is to stop all sexual contact with any spouse whom you suspect, until they get tested and are proven clean. It may be difficult but this has proven to be a life saver. Then even more difficult is in polygamous settings. Any of the spouses suspected of cheating should be cut off sexually until they get tested and are proven negative and other spouses should also get tested. Testing for these diseases, not only HIV ought to be a routine and not emergency. There are no laws criminalizing people infecting others yet and even if there were, they favour the unmarried who may claim rape. I have never heard of any successful cases of a husband raping his wife in Africa so It’s up to you to protect yourself. As for the story, it’s unfortunate but what’s done is done. She should go for anti retrovirals and take care of herself. It doesn’t have to be death sentence if you find out on time and are diligent with your medications.
You’ve hit the nail on the head dear. I couldn’t agree more. Unmarried and married women alike should definitely heed this advice. Thank you.
Marital rape is one thing people don’t talk about yet many married women face it. But can an African woman really fight/stop this?
I was shocked beyond belief when I read the entire piece. To think that women would go on to marry notoriously promiscuous partners without so much as giving it a second thought is shocking . what is more irksome is their failure to ensure that both them and their partners get tested before they proceed to get really intimate. Given the fact that most STIS and STDS can be contacted through viginal, anal and oral sex ..
I agree girl, but seriously how many girls/women even get tested for or convince their partners to do STIs tests before getting intimate? Many at times women are so desperate to get in relationships that thoughts of STDs and STIs are snubbed from the very onset. Don’t you think issues like these should be discussed from the beginning of relationships?
My husband has two wives..when he married me as the 2nd woman, i was not a virgin but i was STIs free as i had just done a test before marriage. It was after marriage that i kept on contaminating myself over and over and this has led to my inability yo bear children now. My husband and i only did the test twice and were treated, but we has completely forgoten that there was a third party in the team which was his 1st wife. After sometimes he got frustrated of tests and gave up. And since then, we’ve been caught up in this web of STIs and now his family blame him for marrying a woman who is baren. They have no idea the cause but i have to live with this stigma as i do not want to divorce him n start all over again. Please advice
Wow..I am so sorry to hear your story my dear sister. And I understand it can be very difficult, especially in a polygamous setting to resolve this issue. However, I would advice you to have a serious talk with your man and co-wife. Especially the co-wife. Finds ways to convince her, woman to woman, to get tested and treated. Once the two of you are on the same platform, it’ll be easier to talk you husband into it and perhaps the whole family can be STD/I free in the long run. That’s my suggestion..let’s hear what others will also say
The woman should sue the man. That deserves to spend some time in Mille 2.
But you know very well most men who are infected will never voice it out before going into contact with a woman. Do you think jail is the way forward??